The conversation you are most resisting is the conversation you need to have now. Legendary leaders communicate with compelling courage. Here’s what I found. Nine times out of 10, the conversation you’re so scared to have that teammate, that supplier, that top client, that loved one. When you have the conversation, boom. It’s like a balloon being released, the pressure being released. You just feel fundamentally different after you’ve spoken your anger in a respectful way. Again, we’re not taught to do this. You can speak whatever you want so long as you learn how to say it with respect. Don’t rage at the person, don’t dump at the person. That intimate partner is not your therapist, that teammate you’ve got to speak to them with respect. They deserve it, but you can speak what you want as long as you learn to language it with respect. But we’re not taught this. We’re not skilled at this, so we minimize people inadvertently. Most of us are so sloppy, we’re unaware of our languaging. Here’s what you could say to your teammate, “You know what, in that meeting, I want to applaud you for these things. And when you said this, this is how I felt.” So you’re not blaming the person, it’s I language versus you language. When you do that, you protect yourself. You fortify yourself. You feel phenomenal. You release the pressure, you don’t carry it, so it doesn’t freeze into anger or disappointment that blows up inevitably down the road professionally and personally. Instead, you release it, you’re clear. You’re not carrying that anger or frustration or sadness in that relationship. And here’s the great thing, the beautiful thing, the gorgeous insight. The other person trusts you more.
